Parenting a teenager is a rocky road, but with Facebook in the mix, we’re traversing boulders.

This weekend, a classmate informed her Facebook friends that my daughter is a “fake ass hoe.” Of course, I was upset to discover this about my child and I’d thank the classmate for her advice, but I’m afraid that she might misconstrue the response. Instead, I pulled out my investigative journalism techniques (interviews, covert operations, wire tapping) to get to the bottom of these allegations.

So far, I’ve avoided writing about my daughter’s dating history. First, because I prefer to imagine that she doesn’t have a dating history.  And, well, it’s personal to her and embarrassing to me.  I never thought I’d be parenting one of those girls, you know, the kind who start dating early.

I have rules, strongly stated and enforced rules.  1. No makeup in school.  2. No camisoles without a top layer at school. 3. No dating until at least 16 years of age.

My daughter has broken all those rules.

She broke the make up rule in 7th Grade, when she tried to get away with wearing clear mascara.  I noticed, there were consequences, and there was no repeat.

The camisole rule was tested this spring when the weather turned warm, and I let it slide thinking that so near the end of middle school it wasn’t worth fighting.  In retrospect, I should’ve put a stop to it right away.  I suspect her attire may have had a lot to do with boys thinking she is a “kissing girl.”  I’m sure her behavior didn’t help.

I’m not sure when the dating started.  I’m not even sure that you can call it dating when she never spent any time with these boys outside of school. 

Sometime in late winter or early spring, I noticed that she changed her Facebook status to “In a Relationship” but I figured it was an inside joke, much like listing her friends as family members.  The boy she selected is shorter and younger, so I just didn’t think she meant it.

Well, she did.  Later on, I discovered that on a school field trip, she French Kissed that boy while sitting on a bus seat directly in front of her Social Studies teacher.  Also, she found opportunities to kiss this boy while in school. As you can imagine, I was just thrilled to hear this from my daughter.

Of course, I threw a fit.  She didn’t think there was anything wrong with this behavior, and I couldn’t convince her otherwise.  She was also under the impression that other moms would think this was perfectly acceptable behavior. I was able to recruit other moms to tell her what they really thought, but apparently she wasn’t convinced.

A few weeks later, that young man broke up with her, and I breathed a sigh of relief that we were done with this saga.

She was just getting started.  Again, she posted on Facebook that she was in a relationship with another boy, a fun-loving kid who is even younger and shorter than the previous boyfriend.  This is a boy that she had jokingly listed as her husband earlier in the year, so I thought she was joking again.

It was no joke, and at a graduation party last weekend, she kissed this boy.  Not only that, another boy kissed her as well, AT THE SAME PARTY! Oy!

I’m still trying to process this whole situation.  How could she be so casual about kissing?  Why is she dating boys who are younger than she?  And what is this tempest in a teapot on Facebook?

I attribute the casual attitude to her immaturity and media messages.  There doesn’t seem to be a single teen movie that doesn’t feature a very cavalier attitude toward teen sex.  In her unformed mind, kissing seems like no big deal by comparison. Also, I shudder to think that this kissing phase is more fashion statement, than it is a real and true emotional development as described in Playing at Sexy:

Sexual entitlement, according to Deborah Tolman, a professor at Hunter College and author of “Dilemmas of Desire: Teenage Girls Talk About Sexuality,” has instead become the latest performance, something girls act out rather than experience. “By the time they are teenagers,” she said, “the girls I talk to respond to questions about how their bodies feel — questions about sexuality or desire — by talking about how their bodies look. They will say something like, ‘I felt like I looked good.’ Looking good is not a feeling.”

Maybe she is trying to go through the motions of what she thinks teens are supposed to be doing.  And dating younger boys is probably easier than her peers since her maturity level is on par with these kids.  Although I don’t get why such young, immature kids would even want to kiss.  They’re still trading Silly Bandz and silly jokes, so why do they have to trade saliva too?

Total Drama Action On Facebook

When I read her classmate’s Facebook post, I asked my daughter about the accusation.  Teen Daughter replied that the classmate was just being mean for no reason, and that she and her friends had blocked and reported her on Facebook.

I didn’t buy the “no reason” excuse, especially after reading the FB conversations alluding to an incident at the party (but no details.)  Teen Daughter tried to get me to believe that the incident was just her hugging a friend who was not her boyfriend, and I was gullible enough to believe her.

I sent her to bed with a hug, fully intending to drop the whole thing.  I even posted a FB reply to one of her friends who demanded to know why Teen Daughter wasn’t responding, letting her know that she had gone to bed and would be busy the next day studying for Regents exams. After that, I didn’t see anything new posted on her FB wall.  End of story, right?

A little while later, I went in to check on Teen Daughter, thinking to stroke her hair and give her a kiss.  Just a little late night reassurance that I love her, no matter what.  Instead, I found her texting her friend and her boyfriend via Facebook Chat.  That’s when I got the full scoop, and way more detail than I wanted, on all the kissing that took place at the graduation party.

What have we learned from this experience?

I’m glad that I befriended some of my daughter’s friends on Facebook, otherwise I wouldn’t have known about these brewing issues. It’s prompted my husband and I to have another frank conversation with my daughter and to raise the stakes.

Previously, when we had discussed dating and kissing, Teen Daughter sugar coated her accounts. Seeing the chat threads on Facebook, in all their unvarnished glory, was a different animal altogether.

As a result, my husband initiated phone calls to the parents of the two boys who participated in the kissing, not to accuse them, but to apologize for our daughter’s behavior.  Partly, this was so that the parents would know what’s going on with their children.  However, this also sends a clear message to our daughter that we do not condone these actions.  (Teen Selective Hearing – We had told her that she shouldn’t be kissing boys or dating yet after the first incident, but she actually told us that we never said so.)

We also told her to call her “boyfriend” to tell him that she can’t be in a relationship as she is too young to date.

Additionally, we’re giving Teen Daughter a break from social media.  We told her that she is welcome to call her friends on the phone, but she needs a little time to reflect. What I didn’t tell her is that I’m concerned about the feedback that is getting from friends.  At least one of her friends is urging her to pursue being in a relationship, to the extent that they are encouraging her to lie about breaking up.

It’s as if they are living vicariously through Teen Daughter’s experiences, creating a drama for their amusement and entertainment.

Meanwhile, the “boyfriend” has changed his Facebook relationship status to: “It’s complicated.”  I’d say that pretty much sums up our teen parenting relationship too.

I know I said that I’d tell you the rest of the story about my public school headaches, but I’m sorely tempted to just forget the whole thing.  It’s ugly, and I’m not sure how productive it is to even bring it up for discussion.  Since I brought it up already, I’ll go ahead and finish the story.  Hopefully, you’ll help me make sense of it all.

During the winter break, teenagers hosted a party at a vacant house in my neighborhood.  Alcohol was consumed.  Major damages ($200K) ensued, but the police were not called in until the next day.  It took a month to conduct the investigation before  84 teens were charged and the story broke on local news.

My first reaction when I heard what had happened was to wonder how no one heard all those kids, and all those cars.  I thought it was sad that our neighbors are so distant that no one called it in while it was happening.  However, like myself, many were away during the break week.  My husband was home with our son, but both were sound asleep during the late night party, as was our Labrador.  Even if I’d been home, I don’t know if I would’ve heard anything.  We have a lot of trees in between houses, and they do an excellent job of absorbing sounds.

I wasn’t especially surprised to hear that teens were drinking and partying, that’s nothing new; but I was shocked at the trespassing and damage.  The teens are not being identified due to being minors, but it appears that most were high school seniors attending the district public high school and at least one or more of the organizers lives in the neighborhood.   Some of the partygoers, apparently not all, smashed walls, stair rails, chandeliers, windows, doors.  They also urinated on the carpet.  Other than Animal House type movies, I’ve never seen or heard of  this kind of “partying.”

Maybe I’m reading too much into this, but I have to wonder if this level of destruction is fueled not just by alcohol.  Could this be partly driven by the stress of the recession?  Not that that is any kind of excuse for this behavior.  Teen alcohol abuse is a serious problem.  Lack of respect for property and a sense of entitlement exhibited by many of these kids is out of control.  The real question is what can be done?

On our community blog, I read a lot of responses, some more reasonable than others. Some favor corporal punishment of the teens, and their parents.  Others, mainly teens, seem to think that the kids did nothing wrong, and insurance should cover the damage.  At first, I thought I could help by suggesting that the community take action:

I live in the neighborhood of the party house, and I’m sad and angry for the children, their families, and our community.

There is a problem with teen drug and alcohol use, rising teen pregnancies, and other risky behavior in East Greenbush. But, it’s a problem that is mostly ignored.

The entire community is at fault because we’re not speaking up and acknowledging that there is a problem. Instead of doing something about teen risky behavior, we act as if these it doesn’t happen here. Our silence enables the problem.

Back in early December, at a Columbia HS ‘Keeping Kids Safe’ program, teens spoke up about the drug & alcohol use that they were seeing in their lives. As a result, Columbia HS initiated an East Greenbush Parent/Community Coalition, under the guidance of a Health teacher and Substance Abuse Counselor.

At the first meeting, several parents showed up. At the second, last week, only two parents showed up. Meanwhile, the Columbia HS representatives have been told that their jobs will be cut.

As my daughter prepares to enter Columbia HS next year, I’m confident that she’ll act like one of the many teens who heard about the party, but chose not to be a part of it. Okay, maybe confident is too strong a word. I’m hopeful that she’ll make better choices. And, to help guide her, I’m making sure she knows about the problems and choices.

I hope that the rest of our community will stand with us, making it clear that we don’t condone teen alcohol use. I hope it’s clear to everyone in East Greenbush that providing alcohol to minors is not only stupid, but also ILLEGAL.

A few responders seem to share my sentiment, but most seem more interested in casting judgment and accusations.   It’s just too stressful to read and respond in what has turned out to be a very negative environment, so I’m going to try to stay out of it from now on. 

Instead, I’ll ask you, Dear Readers, for advice on how to help teens avoid risky behavior.  What do you say or do to persuade teens to avoid risky behavior? When do you let teens go to parties on their own?  How do you assure yourself that there is adequate supervision?  Is it really OK to let high school seniors go out to late night parties?  Where do you draw the line between showing trust by granting independence, and imposing safety restrictions? 

I’m exhausted.  Not by the loss of one hour of  morning sleep to DST, although that is never a good thing.  No, I’m bone-deep tired from getting sucked back into the world of public school education.

I had a good thing going these past three years while Teen Daughter attended a private middle school.  No more evenings supervising mind-numbing homework assignments.  No more supplemental work to cover academic areas missed in school.  I was able to relax as I had complete confidence that this school community had the highest expectations of all their students.  I also knew, from experience, that her teachers would immediately shoot me an email if a child wasn’t working to potential.  And somehow, they managed to encourage the very best from my daughter without wasting weeks on assessment tests, busy-work homework, and other stress-inducing assignments.

Unfortunately, the good times are over.

Next year, Teen Daughter will rejoin the public school system when she enters high school.  It’s not a great high school, but it’s not bad either.  It’s not on the local list of top public high schools in the nation, but it has enough Honors and AP classes to challenge and engage most students.  If she is allowed to take those college-track classes, she’ll receive a good enough education.

And that’s where my headaches begin. 

Our school district severely limits who can enter those accelerated classes.  In order to enter 9th Grade Honors English or the accelerated Social Studies class, the 2-year AP World History, public middle school students have to: write a statement of interest; earn a minimum high level 3 on the NYS ELA 8 Exam; maintain an academic average of 90% in Social Studies; obtain a teacher recommendation; complete the mandatory Summer Project; AND earn a satisfactory score on a qualifying test.  Fortunately, my daughter doesn’t have to take qualifiers for Math, Science, and Spanish as these are determined by performance on the Regents tests in June. (I think, still not 100% certain about this.)

As a private school student, she is exempt from the New York State assessment.  Thank goodness!  Not that she wouldn’t do well, it’s  just that we don’t have the time.  As it is, I have to pull her out of school so that she misses two afternoons of classes to take the English and Social Studies qualifiers.  I’d hate for her to miss an additional three days of school for the NYS ELA tests.

I’m glad she doesn’t have to take the ELA test, and I’m confident that she’ll do fine on the Honors English qualifier without any preparation other than the usual writing-intensive Language Arts schoolwork. 

No, the headache starts with figuring out what all the hoops and hurdles are in order to enter the college-track classes.  And then, the headache worsens in trying to prepare my daughter for a test of two-years worth of US History content.  At her current school, she is taught to think, reason, and write.  The students discuss the relevance of Supreme Court cases and political ideas to current events.  They develop research and writing skills on annual thesis reports and other interest-led projects. 

She has been developing the skills and habits of mind necessary to succeed in the 21st Century, but not the content knowledge that is needed to pass the Social Studies qualifier.  Modeled on the AP US History Exam, the qualifier will cover historical content from the onset of the “discovery” of the Americas through the Great Depression.  The test will include multiple choice questions as well as a DBQ, a writing assignment that requires the student to use primary source scaffolding to generate a formulaic 5-paragraph essay. 

At her current school, my daughter has had no experience writing DBQs.  In my opinion, that’s a good thing because allocating time to these would have wasted time that was better spent actually doing research, learning how to locate primary sources, and then crafting a well-reasoned thesis which often requires more than 5 paragraphs.

Still, the DBQ portion of the test won’t be a problem.  Now that my daughter knows what a DBQ is, and how to follow the formula, she’ll be fine.  It’s getting through the content that’s painful.

At first, we were advised by the Social Studies Department Chair to have her study from Barron’s Regents Exam Preparation for US History, but my daughter was struggling using this.  Struggling to stay awake, that is.  Later, a young friend who is currently in the AP World History class suggested using a prep book for AP US History, which makes sense as those are the kinds of questions that will be on the test.  Using the AP prep book also had the added benefit of not being as sleep-inducing as the Regents book.  It may be material that is harder to comprehend, but at least it’s interesting.

It’s the difference between stating that President Monroe issued the Monroe Doctrine, or making that statement and then explaining the Monroe Doctrine within the foreign policy context.  The first is meaningless, but the second leads to all kinds of passionate debates.

And there is the reason that I’m encouraging my daughter to jump through all these hoops and hurdles.  I want her to be allowed to take the classes that are interesting, even if she has to work hard to get in.

It’s worth the headache.   Now, if this was the only public school related headache, I wouldn’t be exhausted.  I’m too tired to share the rest of this story right now, but I promise it’s a doozy.  Enough to bring the local news vans into my neighborhood, and to put my face on the 6 o’clock news.

Got my motor running, my brain is on fire thinking about everything I want to accomplish this year.  Number one on the list is letting you know what you can expect from On Living By Learning this year.

As I mentioned before, I’m planning to retool On Living By Learning to focus on Enrichment, but from the feedback I received, it’s clear that there is a demand for other topics that interest me, as well as personal reflections.

The 2010 On Living By Learning Plan

Plans are inevitably the kiss of death for me.  There is something about a plan that makes me want to rebel, but I know that I need to set some limits.  Otherwise, I end up scatterbrained, jumping from deadline to deadline, unable to focus long enough to finish a project.  Living in crisis management mode ain’t pretty.

Instead, I’m setting realistic blog objectives, that are reasonably attainable.  If I end up with time to spare, who knows, I can always “head out on the highway looking for adventure.”

1. Blog Aesthetics – Although I like the highly customizable Thesis theme for this blog, I’m not crazy about the current look, and I still haven’t found the logo of my dreams.  As I work on the blog’s appearance, I also want to focus on function: revamping pages, editing categories, organizing posts. Overall, I want to ensure that the blog’s form follows the function of enabling readers to easily find subject content.  I’ll post occasional updates on the blog remodel for aspiring and/or experienced blogging friends.

2. Blog Content – There may come a day when I am moved to write a poem or share a recipe.  It’s highly unlikely seeing as how I don’t cook, and I’m no poet.  Nevertheless, I reserve the right to write about whatever moves me, even odes to my Chocolate Lab, Yoohoo.  For the most part, however, I’m going to stick to writing about the following subjects:

Publishing Quest:

I said it before, and I’ll say it again.  I will get published in 2010.  To fulfill this quest, I will be following advice to do all kinds of weird and wacky things like: writing, mapping goals, writing, organizing contacts, writing, developing a social media platform, writing, oh yeah, and writing some more.  Periodically, I’ll share resources that I uncover, and I’ll post updates on my progress.

Enrichment:

• School Enrichment – I’m going to write a series of articles based on my past experience volunteering at a suburban elementary public school.  Over the years, I helped develop programs that are well worth replicating; however, this information rarely gets passed on from one academic year to the next, much less between schools.  I intend to create a sustainable resource for parent volunteers and/or Enrichment Coordinators.
• Family Enrichment – I’ve written a few articles about enrichment activities that we do as a family, most notably through digital learning, service learning, and travel learning.  I plan to organize these posts into an archive that can be accessed in the On Living By Learning’s pages, while adding posts on current and past adventures.  Believe it not, I’ve barely begun to share our Reading Across America Road Trip!
• Girl Scouts – Expect to see articles about Girl Scouts.  As a Girl Scout leader, I advise a troop of Teen Cadettes who are working on earning their Silver Awards (the highest award at the middle school level given for an outstanding service project.)  I’m also creating an online presence for my Girl Scout Service Unit, as well as a better way to communicate the leadership development model.  Again, I’ll share our experience so that other adult volunteers can learn from my experience (and maybe those who’ve been there can comment with their tips as well!)
• Cub Scouts – My son’s Webelo Den of fourth graders is becoming more independent, and capable of taking on more ambitious projects.  It’s exciting to see what they are doing, and where they are going.  Of course, I’m going to share this with you.
• First Lego League – Our young team has cleared the rookie year hurdle, and is looking forward to seeing what they can accomplish now that they know what to expect.  Personally, I’m eager to report on next year’s challenge, “Body Forward,”  in which:

children will be asked to explore the cutting-edge world of biomedical engineering to discover innovative ways to repair injuries, overcome genetic predispositions, and maximize the body’s potential, with the intended purpose of leading happier and healthier lives.

• Enrichment Links – There is a veritable cornucopia of enrichment opportunities, too many to try personally.  I plan to post a weekly roundup of the most promising options that you can use, or discard, at will.  I hope to benefit my readers while creating a searchable database so that I can find these programs when they may be of interest in the future.

Digital Learning Conflict:

Personally, and as a parent of teens and tweens, I’ve been struggling with the pros and cons of digital learning for years.  While I tend to embrace technology, I strive to do so mindfully.

This year, I will review a couple of books that are worth comparing, discussing, and debating.  I hope you’ll join me in reading: iBrain: Surviving the Technological Alteration of the Modern Mind by Gary Small, M.D. and Gigi Vorgan; and Born Digital: Understanding The First Generation of Digital Natives by John Palfrey and Urs Gasser.

In an upcoming post, I’ll set up a topic schedule derived from these books covering hotly debated subjects like technology addiction, privacy, and overload.  I’ll also invite comments from experts, parents and educators, and we’ll see what we can learn together.  Stay tuned for more!

Homeschool NY:

Well, yes, I am homeschooling my son the rest of this fourth grade year, and most likely through fifth grade as well.  I will continue to post our homeschool records on this blog, as well as reflective articles.  Day to day, however, I’m not chronicling our homeschooling.  If you would like to follow more of our homeschool adventures, please visit my son’s blog at Leperdy.com.

High School Transition and the Global Student:

In June, Teen Daughter will be graduating from the small, private school that she currently attends, and transitioning to a public high school that is bursting at the seams with over 1,000 students.  Already, I’ve had to attend a parent orientation in which I discovered that she will have to take a battery of qualifying tests for entry into Honors classes.

Truly, the American high school experience is an obstacle course whose goal is college entrance.  Unfortunately, successfully traversing this gauntlet does not ensure that the high school graduate is college ready.

Fortunately, there are alternatives beyond what Maya Frost, author of The New Global Student: Skip the SAT, Save Thousands on Tuition, and Get a Truly International Education, labels the “four by four plan” (4 years high school, 4 years college.)  I will investigate and report on our options and choices, and you can see what Teen Daughter has to say on Elferkid.com.

Post Frequency:

I’d like to commit to daily blog posts, but that’s unrealistic.  I tried it once, during NaBloPoMo (National Blog Post Month in November, 2008,) but once was enough.  Many of my days are spent running around, chauffeuring kids or running meetings, with no time to write until late at night.  Although I’m a night bird, and actually enjoy staying up late to write, I can’t keep up the late nights when I have to rise early to tend my flock.  Some nights I have to go to bed at a reasonable hour.

Bottom line, don’t expect daily posts from On Living By Learning, but do expect to see new articles 3-4 times per week.

In the immortal words of Steppenwolf, “Yeah, darling, Gonna make it happen…”*  2010, it’s a new decade, a time for bold feats of daring and perseverance.  Are you with me?

*Born To Be Wild – Steppenwolf

Get your motor running
Head out on the highway
Looking for adventure
In whatever comes our way
Yeah, darling
Gonna make it happen
Take the world in a love embrace
Fire all of your guns at once and
Explode into space
I like smoke and lightning
Heavy metal thunder
Racing in the wind
And the feeling that I’m under
Yeah, darling
Gonna make it happen
Take the world in a love embrace
Fire all of your guns at once and
Explode into space
Like a true nature child
We were born
Born to be wild
We have climbed so high
Never want to die
Born to be wild
Born to be wild

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It’s not easy letting your child fend for herself.  Even though I’m a firm believer in letting kids take ownership of their academic and extracurricular choices, they live in a world where many adults don’t share this belief.

This week, my daughter began 8th Grade, her final year at a small, private school that truly supports child-led learning.  And with the first week of school came the annual ritual of selecting which extracurricular activities she could comfortably add to her schedule. 

Teen Daughter chose to continue with harp lessons, fencing, Girl Scouts, and she is looking forward to joining the ski team for the Winter season.  Tae Kwon Do was also on her wish list, but I think she’s holding off on that as this will be a demanding year, with her first NY Regents tests at the end of it all.

At the top of her wish list was a desire to take the Afterschool Circus Class with a friend.  She had been really looking forward to this class, and had spent much time reviewing her activity schedule during the summer to ensure that she would be able to include it.  Unfortunately, the school switched the day on which this class is offered, putting it at the same time as her harp lessons.

Schedule Conflict – The Bane of Students Everywhere

At some point, every student encounters a class schedule conflict, and must figure out how to deal with it.  As a parent, I could choose to handle these problems for my daughter, but that would have cost her a valuable learning experience.

Together, we called her harp teacher to see if there were any openings at a more convenient time, and there was one on Monday mornings during school hours. Again, I could’ve just said no to missing school for harp lessons.  Or, I could’ve taken the harp teacher’s advice to contact the principal myself to request that my daughter miss school for this “extraordinary opportunity.”  I was strongly advised that this is not a matter that should be handled by a child.

Instead, I allowed my daughter to advocate for herself.  We arranged for a meeting with her principal, and I listened while my daughter rehearsed her request.  I gave her some feedback on how to present her case, but mainly I just let her say what she wanted to say.

During the meeting, I quietly sat next to her, backing her up, but letting her take the lead.  Her principal listened respectfully, asking pertinent questions, and showing that she took her request seriously.  At the end of the meeting, she vowed to confer with the affected teachers to see if they would be able to accommodate her request.

Afterwards, the principal determined that it would not be possible to condone missing so many classes, but she offered to try to change the Circus Class schedule for the following semester.

At the end of this experience, my daughter was happy with the result.  It’s never too early to learn that you can’t do everything, but at least she is in charge of these choices.  She decided which extracurricular activities would stay on her schedule, including committing to Harp Lessons and the associated daily practice, without being pressured into anything. Most importantly, this experience forced her to decide what was important to her; what was worth fighting for passionately, and what was not.

I’m glad that she spoke up, and was listened to, when she encountered a problem.    She didn’t get what she thought she wanted, but she got what she needed.

Through this process, Teen Daughter had the opportunity to grow a little more independent, to become the strong individual that she is promising to be.  Next year, she’ll enter high school with a few more weapons in her arsenal, and the confidence to use them.

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We’ve been back home from our Read Across America Road Trip for almost a week now, but I’m only just beginning to dive back into daily life.   

The first few days I couldn’t manage anything more ambitious than watching sitcoms.  We’d been catching The Nanny on late night Nickelodeon during motel breaks, and I’d developed a burning need to know how the love story turned out.  Good thing you can find the entire six season run online at Blinkx.com.

After that pressing issue, it was time to empty the car, unpack the bags, and clear the household disasters.  I’m still working on that project, with no end in sight.  I’m relishing the little victories, instead.

Last Winter, I was so fed up with the the endless mess in Teen Daughter’s room, that I had her carry EVERYTHING out to the basement so that we could get it remodeled (hardwood floor, closet system, paint.)  When we returned, we found that Helpful Dad had put her stuff back – all in one huge pile in the center of the room.

Chaos, disorder – this is not the recommended way to start off the school year.

I induced my child to clear up the mess with promises of new furnishings, but I also suspect that living out of a car for two and a half months, including a couple of backpacking trips where she carried everything she needed for 3 days on her back, had given her a new appreciation for what she really needs in a room environment.

In an impressive display of focused energy, Teen Daughter decimated the pile, sending much of it out as donations or refuse.  She was even able to part with her collections (dolls, stuffed animals, soda bottles;) putting them into storage to avoid cluttering her mature new room design, something I like to call Retro Glamour.

Her room and closet are lovely right now, even though she’s not quite finished. (I’ll post a photo when she’s achieved the full effect.)  You can see the floor, and walk through without tripping on dirty laundry.  There are plans for a vanity and shelves that will require some Arts & Crafts magic, and Helpful Dad’s carpentry skills.  Still, it’s looking pretty good, and we avoided spending a fortune.

Although she drew inspiration from the PB Teen catalog, and there was a time when she thought she couldn’t live without the $2000 bed, we convinced her that with a little ingenuity she could avoid the exorbitant price tag and still achieve the Retro Glamour look. 

Instead of the monolithic bed, we put her old mattress set on a cheap metal frame, and covered it with the new bedding, an inexpensive bed-in-a-bag set spiced up with a few luxury throw pillows from Bed, Bath, and Beyond.  We installed a closet system from Home Depot, but added coordinating storage boxes from Target.  This is also where we picked up the pièce de résistance, a small, lightweight modular sofa bed that, with just a few clicks, converts into a bed.  It’s chic, it’s comfy, and best of all, it was just $99 on sale.

Hey, I’m no dummy.  Just because she loves her new room now, doesn’t mean she will still love it two years from now.  Inexpensive, easily changeable furnishing are the way to go with this girl.

So, a week after our return, Teen Daughter’s room is clean and organized, and she’s pretty much ready to head back to school.  My son still needs a little more R&R, while I put together plans and materials for his homeschool year.  Now, the extracurricular planning is on the front burner. 

How many after school activities can we juggle without getting stressed?  Can Teen Daughter convince her school to let her arrive late on Mondays so that she can take Harp Lessons AND Circus Class?  And, what will we be doing with Girl Scouts and Cub Scouts?

I’m back, and ready to share our adventures.

Today, we’re heading to the hair salon for the Back-To-School Hair Cut, and then, well, it’s time for some fireworks.

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