A financial storm has settled on my home - and it’s raining bills, bills, bills.

I won’t bore you with the details.  It would sound kind of whiny anyway.

My husband still has a good income, despite the current start-up costs of a new practice.  We have a lovely home, even if we’re suddenly being hit with having to replace the water heater and the roof.  My gas-guzzling Suburban is still a great car for our adventurous family, despite losing another battle with the resident mice. 

****I like mice, they’re adorable, but now they’ve gone too far, decimating my car’s AC, again.  It’s time for an aggressive relocation policy.  If you’ve had any success getting rid of mice in your car or home, please tell me what worked.  We’re ready to try just about anything.****

This financial storm - decreased income, increased expenses - is hitting at a time when we’re all finding out just how much the price of oil impacts all costs.  Our gas bills have doubled, and so have our grocery receipts.  There are surcharges everywhere, and we can’t even pick up a pizza for the kids without cringing at the price.

Now I’m really going to get whiny.  Turn away.  Fast.

What this means for me - the homeschooling volunteering mom with no personal income - is that: I’ll have to slash our expenses; and I’ll have to start generating an income.

Oh, it’s going to be painful.  No more books.  I’ll have to read or re-read what I already have, or go back to the Library.  No more Starbucks Venti Nonfat Lattes.  I’m quitting cold turkey.  No more take out.  We’ll be on the home-cooked meal plan.  Not so delicious.  No more newspaper delivery, I’ll have to get the news online.  No more road trips to see my friends and family.  They’ll have to visit us over the next few months. 

The worst part of this whole scenario is that we’ll probably have to skip the family gathering at a Caribbean wedding that we’ve been looking forward to for the past two years. 

Okay, I know.  We still have food, home, health, and a loving family.  No more whining.

Resilient kids have that pioneering spirit!

We had a family meeting to discuss our current financial strategy.

My son - he’s a giver - volunteered to quit piano lessons.   My daughter doesn’t want to give up the harp, but she is willing to cut back on lessons.   She also offered to teach her brother so he could keep up his music skills.

It was lovely to see how they were willing to cooperate, even as I wished it was under better circumstances. 

Alex started sobbing when he found out that we would have to cancel our road trip to see our friends in Maryland, but Kayla stroked his head and comforted him with offers to teach him how to skateboard.  This offer was especially remarkable since earlier in the day she had made it clear that Alex was NOT allowed to skateboard with her.

Then, both kids offered to help out with our income and expenses.  They have plans to start a lemonade stand and to live off the land.  We’re going to eat the vegetables from our garden when they’re ready, and go squirrel huntin’ in the meantime.  Yeah, they’ve got that pioneering spirit!

I wonder if I could convince them to hunt mice instead?  Do you know of any good recipes for rodent vittles?

Get a Job, Mom

Bottom line, I need to get a job, or at least find a way to contribute to the family income.

I’m a highly educated, savvy woman.  It shouldn’t be too difficult to get a job, right?

If I bought into Leslie Bennetts argument in The Feminine Mistake: Are We Giving Up Too Much?, I might be genuinely worried that I’ve failed to “protect (my)self against economic hard-ship by maintaining the capacity to support (my)self.”

Reading Bennetts’ book I might be led to believe that - in taking years off from the a career track to be a full-time mom - I’ve put myself in jeopardy of being a middle-aged has-been with no career prospects.  Ugh!

Okay, well, call me Pollyanna, but I think that I’ve picked up valuable skills as CEO of this family and through my volunteer work.

Just for fun, I filled out the Mom Salary Wizard on Salary.com.  It turns out that I should’ve earned $214,000.00 last year.  If only!  Masochists can even print out a check for themselves (but you can’t cash it in anywhere.)

Hey, I’m a valuable resource!  And, I’m not sure how yet, but I’ll figure out a way to generate a solid income stream.

Who knows?  Maybe I’ll figure out a way to be one of those bloggers who earn six figure salaries.  Of course, then I’ll have to deal with the stress of being a celebrity blogger.

Did I say no more whining?

Book Resources:

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I plan to sit around eating Bon Bons while watching the next Survivor Series:

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and
3 kids each for six weeks.

Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.

There is no fast food.

Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, and complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of ‘pretend’ bills with not enough money.

In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.

Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time–no emailing.

Each man must also take each child to a doctor’s appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment.

He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care.

He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.

Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times.

The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn himself with jewelry, wear < STRONG> uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep fingernails polished and eyebrows groomed.

During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties.

They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.

They will need to read a book to the kids each night and in the morning, feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair by 7:00 am.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child’s birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor’s name.  Also the child’s weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child’s favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man wins only if…he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment’s notice.

If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years eventually earning the right To be called Mother!

The fact is, I’ve been cheating.

Today, (for the first time ever) I left the house before 8:00 a.m.  We rushed to Dunkin Donuts for a drive-thru breakfast, before picking up a pack of kids who needed a ride to their field trip. 

As a result, Alex and I were miraculously early for his Gymnastics class at 9:30.  While he worked out on the bars and trampoline, I caught up on my email.

Then, we returned for the field trip kids with just one quick stop at the Girl Scout store for training material.

We picked up 6 Middle Schoolers for the return trip, and I got to listen to the latest rap on KISS FM for a little bit of culture in our day.

After dropping off the tweens, Alex and I had a whole hour of leisure time - spent on piano practice, math problems - before running off to a Hudson River Watershed program at the science museum.

Back home now, Alex ran off to check on the birds and other backyard wild life, while I returned Girl Scout related calls.

By 4:30 p.m. my body was rejecting the early morning start, so I had to take a nap.  Of course, it’s impossible to actually keep your eyes closed when you have kids.  A few minutes later, we were back in the car for another ill-advised venture.

And now that the kids are enjoying another fast food meal - from Subways, this time - I’m catching up on my blogging.

So, I cheat: 

1. Fast food, and other forms of sustenance that don’t require actual cooking, are a staple in this household.
2. My house is only clean for about 10 minutes after a visit from the cleaning woman.
3. None of my friends or family expect Birthday cards from me; at least, not anymore.
4. My social function contributions are limited to pre-packaged items.
5. I avert my eyes when in front of my home so that I don’t get hit in the face with the filthy entrance and unkempt yard.
6. As for personal grooming, forget about makeup or nail polish, and I’ve taken to saving time by only wearing slip-on shoes.
7. Still, I don’t think that the kids would vote me off the island based on my performance.  (I know how to bribe them!)

OK, so I’m not Survivor Mom material, I’ll have to nominate my friends instead!

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It’s an odd feeling to look up to your young child.  Now, I can see that she isn’t so little anymore.

At least, she doesn’t look so little.  She still thinks like a kid most of the time - living in the present, excited by every little thing - but with astounding flashes of maturity.

Gradually, I’ve discovered that I’m no longer leading her.  Quite often, she is leading me.

She is surpassing me in many athletic pursuits - skiing, running, biking, kayaking, even, possibly, hiking.  For the most part; fortunately, I can still keep up.

And, I’m grateful, that for now, this means that I have an equal partner as we we explore the outdoors.

Maybe I’m just an optimist, but I’m hoping that she’ll still drag out her old mom for outdoor adventures, even when she does reach the turbulent teen years.

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Some people might dread a seven hour road trip, but oddball-mom that I am, I look on it as an opportunity.

Yes, an opportunity to hold my children hostage, and make them listen to my music.

As part of my ongoing campaign to inspire the kids to want to continue music lessons, I stocked the car with the Reader’s Digest “700 Years of Classical Treasures: The Complete History of Classical Music…The Composers, Their Instruments, and Works.”

We listened to the first two CDs in this collection, covering Medieval and Baroque music, to an endless chorus of, “Boriiiiiing, ewwww… Can we listen to my music, nowwwww?”

I think they really enjoyed that interlude, and now have a new appreciation for classical music.  Self-Delusion 101, that’s my talent.

Fortunately, I also brought the i car play, a device that allows you to play ipod tunes over your car’s FM radio.

First, we hooked up my new ipod Classic, an 80GB beauty, that was loaded with audio books and a selection of pre-loaded music.

Those Apple guys rock!  Yeah, they even included our song, ABBA’s Dancing Queen.

You are the dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen
Dancing queen, feel the beat from the tambourine
You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, dig in;that’s a little more difficult in the car.  Bopping our heads to the beat is as much as we can do.

So, we went from listening to Ave Maria, who is full of grace, on the classical CD to singing with ABBA and Patsy Cline about looking for love, and then we listened to my daughter’s ipod collection.

My 11-year-old daughter’s collection included:

• Soundtracks to The Lion King, Hairspray, and Newsies.
• Fabulous, from High School Musical 2, in which the girl asks for “something fabulous, “Bigger and better and best, I need something inspiring to help me get along.”
• Barbie Girl by Aqua in which the girl sings “Make me walk, make me talk, do whatever you please”
• Glamorous by Fergie
• Crank dat dance by Soulja Boy
• American Idiot by Green Day

I’m wishing that I didn’t look up the lyrics to these songs.  The tunes are kind of catchy, and since I can never make out the words, they don’t seem so bad.

So, is it better to ignore that your child is listening to crap or to never even know what they are hearing?  Should I even worry?  How much does she even pay attention to these songs?

Kid’s music is another reason to master Self-Delusion 101.

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Clique - An exclusive circle of people with a common purpose.

Exclusive- Admitting only members of a socially restricted or very carefully selected group.

I often hear moms describing their school as “clique-y.” Usually, I hear this from a mom who has limited time to volunteer in her school.

Several experts have written about mommy cliques. Rosalind Wiseman, author of Queen Bees & Wannabes (the inspiration for the movie Mean Girls,) wrote Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads. A Parenting Magazine article, Mom Cliques: Where Do You Fit In?, provides an excerpt from the book that describes the various kinds of clique moms. Similarly, Cynthia Eller, Ph.D. quotes many women who were excluded from mommy cliques in Mommy Cliques: Why new moms can be so catty, and how you can cope.

I’m sure that Ms. Wiseman and others have seen mommy cliques in action, but are they everywhere? Or, are there situations where frequent contact creates the appearance of mommy cliques? If you look closely, would you find that all parents are welcome in the school community?

Many times, the appearance of mommy cliques is influenced by perception.

Until recently, I was a very involved stay-at-home school volunteer. I helped run the Book Fair and the Book Publishing project. I taught Spanish to my son’s class and helped out in the computer lab every week. I was a Girl Scout leader, Cub Scout helper, and helped form an advocacy group for Gifted & Talented students. My daughter was also involved in the local swim team and theatre group, while my son tried various sports. Through these many activities, I became acquainted with many parents in our community.

I was equally grateful for the help of any volunteer, regardless of her time commitment or work status.

Of course, there were some women - and men- that I tended to know better because our children made similar choices about extracurricular activities. There was never any effort to exclude anyone, but there really wasn’t much social contact among the moms beyond sharing volunteer duties or waiting at an extracurricular event. Some moms are more outgoing, others quieter. That was about the only thing separating the conversationalists.

I’ve had conversations with working moms who felt uncomfortable at school functions because they wondered if stay-at-home moms felt that they weren’t doing their share. I told them that any help was appreciated and that there are many ways to be a part of the school community . Most of the moms at our school are working moms, but moms sometimes think that if they see someone volunteering then she must be a stay-at-home mom. These moms are surprised to discover that most of the PTO board, committee chairs, and volunteers, are working moms and dads. They volunteer to do what they can, when they can, because they all share a desire to create a nurturing community environment for the students.

Obviously, the group dynamics will be very different in other schools. In our school, cliques were just in the eyes of the beholders.

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It’s our 4th year in a Mother-Daughter Club, and it just keeps on getting better!

When the girls were in 3rd Grade, I heard about Mother-Daughter book clubs from a friend in Washington, D.C. These books clubs were very popular in the nation’s capitol where Shireen Dodson wrote about her experience in a book titled, The Mother -Daughter Book Club: How Ten Busy Mothers and Daughters Came Together to Talk, Laugh and Learn Through Their Love of Reading.

Of course, the magic word “book” guaranteed my interest, and I was open to anything that would encourage my daughter to love books as much as I do. Then my friend explained that the real value of the book club was the opportunity to discuss issues affecting our maturing daughters in a non confrontational setting. At a Mother-Daughter Book Club you get to talk about the taboo subjects that usually set girls screaming in horror - personal hygiene, puberty, dating, etc. I was hooked, and with Dodson’s how-to manual, I was armed with everything I needed to get started.

Getting Started

1. Find some girls (and moms) who love books. Ask your daughter or her teacher for suggestions.
2. Choose a regular date with sufficient time for everyone to read the book. Meeting on Sunday afternoons every 6-8 weeks usually works for us.
3. Choose a host and a book. We let the hosting girl (and mom) choose the book, select the questions, and provide refreshments and/or activities that tie in to the book. It can be a lot of work for the host, but it’s fun and infrequent.
4. Meet. Enjoy the refreshments. Set aside time for the girls & moms to socialize. Let the hosting girl initiate the discussion, and moms can add follow-up questions. As the group learns to trust each other, these conversations will lead you to surprising discoveries and greater understanding of your daughter and even yourself.

Choosing A Book

Selecting the book can be almost as difficult as finding a convenient meeting date. Here are some ways that we find books:

• Find books, discussion questions, and ideas for activities and field trips in Shireen Dodson’s 100 Books for Girls to Grow On.
• Find reading lists, book reviews, meeting ideas, and author interviews at Motherdaughter Book Club.com
• Visit a bookstore, library, or your Scholastic Book Fair with the girls to look at possible books.

Book Extensions

There are many ways for your club to exend the fun and deepen appreciation of a book.

Watch the movie, after you read the book. Bridge To Terabithia and Harriet The Spy are two popular books that are widely available on DVD. Consider upcoming attractions at the cinema. Hurry up and read the book version of Philip Pullman’s The Golden Compass before it arrives at the movie theatres on December 7th. If you love fantasy and adventure, you may end up reading the entire His Dark Materials trilogy.

Go on field trips. After reading E.L. Konisburg’s From The Mixed-Up Files Of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler, we had to visit the Metropolitan Museum to see for ourselves how two kids could hide out in the famous museum. Since we also read Ellen Potter’s Pish Posh, this trip wouldn’t have been complete without a dash of glamour. Shopping on the Upper East Side with a stop for cosmetics at Sephoras and frozen hot chocolate at Serendipity’s was exactly what we needed.

Visit the author’s website. Most recently, we received a visit (via speakerphone) from Heather Vogel Frederick, the author of our current novel, The Mother-Daughter Book Club. In a serendipitous twist of fate, our host duo chose this book at a time that the Ms. Frederick’s website was publicising a special invitation from the author to book clubs. It was so exciting to converse with the author of a book that we all loved. The girls lined up to take turns asking questions, and they each had several turns. Even the moms couldn’t resist asking a few questions! Heather Vogel Frederick was so approachable and her responses were nearly as entertaining as her books. I think that each girl, and some moms, left inspired to do some writing.

Living By Learning

When you’re living by learning, your life is full of surprising adventures and discoveries. Who knows where this book club journey will lead? Don’t be surprised if we evolve into Book Babes: The Mother-Daughter Book And Writing Club.

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