On this day, twelve years ago, while Bob Marley’s Exodus jammed in the background, another rebel was born in New York City. 

A stubborn child, even then, you held out your entry into this world until just after midnight - officially on April 20th, the first day to fall under the Taurus sign.

Kayla, that was your last intimately small birthday party.

One Year Old Birthday Party - Under The Sea

The next year, for your first birthday party, your Abuela came all the way from Puerto Rico to visit us in the home we were sharing with Auntie Diana in southern California. 

Heather, your babysitter and our neighbor, helped decorate our Under The Sea party by hanging huge fish cutouts, colorful streamers, and Cousin Kathy’s pinata - the first of a cherished birthday tradition.  You received lots of presents, but your favorite was a Cabbage Patch “baby”  from Heather and Di that joined us everywhere, even to the Caribbean.

Two Year Old Birthday Party - Bug-Happy in Kayla’s Garden

By this time, Heather and I were birthday party pros. 

We used the instructions in a Family Fun article to create ladybug invitations, hand-crafted hats, a candy-filled flower cake, flower-petal plates, and flower-pot party favors. 

At the party, the kids quietly decorated egg-carton caterpillars for about 2 minutes, and ran around on a sugar-high the rest of the time.

Three Year Old Birthday Party - Kayla’s Zoo Safari

By your 3rd Birthday, we had moved to New York.  Heather was too far away to help with the party, but we had our NY family: Natasha, Grandma and Grandpa, and Joe with his parents.

Daddy made an elaborate zoo cage cake with animal cupcakes, while Mommy and Natasha created zoo activity centers: a Petting Zoo, a Marine Life Exhibit with Feed the Seal station, and the Zoo Maintenance Truck. 

During the party, the kids visited the “exhibits” before going on a safari to find hidden animals in the grass.  They kept the small, plastic animals along with the party favors: animal mugs filled with animal crackers. 

Surprisingly, the real hit of the party was the simplest to produce: Joe and Daddy’s spontaneous puppet show about a monkey who lost his banana. 

So, did I learn my lesson?  Did we plan simple parties in subsequent years?  Stay tuned as we celebrate Kayla’s Birthday Week (hint, hint) to find out.

More Birthday Party Articles:

Learn more about our party traditions on Birthday Celebrations.

Baby Parties: Baby To Preschool.

4th Birthday: Ariel’s Caribbean Luau and our  Piñata Tradition.

5th Birthday: A Mad Hatter’s Tea Party.

6th Birthday: The Art Party.

7th Birthday: A Pokémon Party.

8th Birthday: A Harry Potter Party.

9th Birthday: Tween Spa Party.

10th Birthday: Chocolate Dreams Slumber Party.

11th Birthday: The Last Dance Tween Disco Party.

12th Birthday:  A Girl-Led Tween Roller Skating Party.

If you would like to receive free articles from On Living By Learning by email, click this link.  You can also click here to receive updates on a RSS Feed Reader.

Nowadays, it’s not enough to be the best.  You need to let everyone know that you’re the best. 

When Dave was finishing his residency, a friend suggested that he invest in public relations.  At the time, Dave laughed at the suggestion.  He thought that it was enough to get the best education, a fellowship at the preeminent House Ear Institute, research publication, and lots of surgical experience.  Well, Dave is now one of the nation’s best in his field - but he still has to advertise. 

I think the commercial came out pretty well.  What do you think?

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My youngest baby sister just had a sweet baby boy!  Jonathan Daniel Rivera was born on April 11, 2008 at 5:00 PM.  He weighed 7 lbs 6 oz and measured 20 inches in length. 

Paula and Hector, accompanied by sister Cristina, spent the whole day in labor.  During the day, Cristy mentioned what a relaxing day she was enjoying at the hospital.  hmm… Meanwhile, it took Paula 30 pushes to get Jonathan to come out.  It seems he was in no hurry to leave his warm cocoon.

And now, there are 7 cousins in the Beuchert Sister Clan:

Kayla, Alex

Ethan, Isabella, Jonathan

Danielle, Kaley

Click here to view all of Jonathan’s pictures on Snapfish.

More cousin blog posts:

Kissin’ Cousins - Danielle and Isabella at Dana Point, CA.

Homeschooling In Chaos - Homeschooling the cousins on vacation.

Easter Hats - The cousins list gets a little longer when you include second cousins (my cousin’s kids): Atticus and Audrey.

Who is the typical American family?  -   And, when you include the children of friends who are like sisters, well, I can’t include them all today but here are Joshua and Jamie!

If you would like to receive free articles from On Living By Learning by email, click this link.  You can also click here to receive updates on a RSS Feed Reader.

Kayla and Alex seem to think that April Fools’ Day is a monumentally HUGE occasion - Christmas, New Year’s, and First Day of School all rolled into one. 

This morning Kayla told me that April Fools’ Day originated from a misunderstood royal decree that the first day of April would be New Year’s Day.  Not exactly true, but I was impressed that she had been researching this topic.

Yes, unbeknownst to me, a lot to energy has gone into April Fools’ Day preparations.

A few weeks ago, Kayla asked if she could meet with her new secret club, but she refused to share it’s mission.  Knowing that the club members are all sweet girls, I trusted that all would be fine.

Well, elaborate plans were being hatched.  On the car ride to the meeting, Kayla told her Dad - also a big kid who wasn’t likely to disapprove of hare-brained plans - all about their proposed pranks.

Fortunately, Dave let me in on the secret, and we came up with a set of April Fools’ Rules:

1. Be kind.
2. Respect property.
3. No inappropriate behavior.

Now, we just have to wait and hope that whatever  hoaxes they’ve planned for school will observe our interpretation of those rules.  Did we miss any rules?

Meanwhile, it’s been a odd morning in this household.  Kayla and Alex have displayed an unprecedented solicitousness. 

Alex cooked up a batch of scrambled eggs to share with his sister.  Kayla set the table and poured a tall glass of milk for her brother - enhanced with a raw egg lurking at the bottom.

Later, Alex kept Kayla company as she waited for the bus.  I wondered why he had this sudden desire to stay outside in his pajamas.  Apparently, he was ensuring the success of his evil plot.

Alex had planted a stink bomb - a hard-boiled painted Easter egg that had been stored underground -  in Kayla’s school bag, but feared that it might be discovered too soon. 

It’s still early, and I’m afraid - very, very afraid!

Looking for some relatively harmless pranks?  Check out FamilyFun.com’s Gallery of Pranks.

What’s your most memorable April Fools’ Day hoax? Did you ever execute a secret prank, and never revealed the truth?

Hey you, my high school friends, it’s OK.  You can share the dastardly plot now.  It’s been over 20 years.  

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Who doesn’t want to be the center of attention on their birthday?

Dave is 44-years-old today; and, despite his advanced years, he wants a birthday celebration.

What he truly desires is to be feted with a blow-out birthday party.  Who could blame him?  Every year, our kids get to fulfill their wildest fantasies with themes like: Bug’s Life, Zoo Safari, Dinosaur Dig, Ariel’s Caribbean Luau, Spiderman’s Adventures, A Mad Hatter’s Birthday Tea Party, Art Party, Pokemon Competition, Harry Potter’s Wizards’ Challenge, Haunted Mansion, Spa Resort, and Dance Party.

For these parties, we fill the house with decorations, activities, and way too many kids.  It’s crazy, boisterous, non-stop excitement that leaves me zapped of all energy for at least a week. 

A kid’s birthday celebration is the kind of overwhelming event that should only be held once per year.  Of course, we have two kids so it’s twice a year.  Well, Dave thinks he’s a kid, but, really, after age 10, blow-out birthday celebrations should be limited to: Sweet Sixteen (or Quinceanera), 18, 21, and then just the decades.  I really think you need to wait ten years to fully appreciate the moment, and to give your family a break.

This year, we’ll order a pizza, enjoy a quiet dinner, and try to forget Dave’s Kon Tiki 40th Birthday Madness!

If you’re looking for creative kid’s birthday party inspiration, and detailed instructions, visit the Birthday Planner on FamilyFun.com for “scores” of party themes and the crafts and activities to go with them.

For general guidance on hosting a kid’s birthday party, and lots of theme ideas, I always turn to Vicki Lansky’s Birthday Parties book (see below.)  She lays out all the components of a successful party while reminding you that,

For young children, these are the best rules to follow: KEEP IT SMALL, KEEP IT SHORT, KEEP IT SIMPLE, KEEP IT MOVING, AND KEEP YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR!

Okay, I usually break all those rules, but at least - with Vicki’s expert advice -  I know what I’m getting into!

What’s your favorite birthday party idea?

Happy Birthday, Dave AND Clara!

Book Resource:

Birthday Parties: Best Party Tips and Ideas (Lansky, Vicki): Vicki Lansky: BooksISBN: 0916773361 ISBN-13: 9780916773366

More Birthday Party Articles:

Learn more about our party traditions on Birthday Celebrations.

Baby Parties: Baby To Preschool.

4th Birthday: Ariel’s Caribbean Luau and our  Piñata Tradition.

5th Birthday: A Mad Hatter’s Tea Party.

6th Birthday: The Art Party.

7th Birthday: A Pokémon Party.

8th Birthday: A Harry Potter Party.

9th Birthday: Tween Spa Party.

10th Birthday: Chocolate Dreams Slumber Party.

11th Birthday: The Last Dance Tween Disco Party.

12th Birthday:  A Girl-Led Tween Roller Skating Party.

If you would like to receive free articles from On Living By Learning by email, click this link.  You can also click here to receive updates on a RSS Feed Reader.

The cousins wasted no time emptying their Easter baskets, and finding new uses.  The baskets make excellent Easter hats!

Most days, these sibling get along well.  However, like many brothers and sisters, they excel at pushing each other’s buttons.

Family time is often a roller coaster ride of emotions with the ups and downs of their relationship.

On the ski slopes, I get to see the best of their sibling love as they team up to brave the risky slopes.

They stick together, cooperatively plan their routes, follow each other’s lead, and generally look out for each other.

I just wish I could bottle this good will and sprinkle it on when they’re nudging and poking each other!

For advice on how to avoid sibling rivalry, I’ve turned to Sibling Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish.  The authors recommend that parents:

• Don’t insist on good feelings between siblings.  Allow them to disagree, and to work through those disagreements. Base your response according to the level of the situation.  You can ignore normal bickering, but you may have to separate children who are about to hurt each other.
• Resist the urge to compare siblings.
• Children don’t need to be treated equally.  They need to be treated uniquely.
• Don’t lock a child into a role.  Help your child develop tools and abilities so that they are given the freedom to change.

They also suggest that all parents:

1. Make sure that each child gets some time alone with you several times a week.
2. When spending time with one child, don’t talk about the other.
3. Don’t withhold your affection or attention from your “favorite child” in order to make it up to a less favored child.
4. Don’t lock the children into their position in the family constellation (oldest, youngest, middle).  Allow each child the opportunity to experience some of the privileges and responsibilities of the other.
5. Don’t get trapped by “togetherness.”
6. Let each child know what it is about him that his siblings like or admire.
7. Schedule family meetings.

I can’t say that we have followed all of these suggestions, although I can see their value. 

In our family, my husband and I do try to have unique relationships and plenty of one-on-one time with each child. 

Alex and Daddy share Cub Scouts, while Kayla and I share Girl Scouts.  In addition, there is a whole list of shared interests and activities:

• Risk Takers: Kayla and Daddy are fearless risk takers.  They’re the first to try the most thrilling amusement park rides or outdoor sports like rock climbing or mountain biking.  Alex and I follow along at our own pace or comfort level. 
• Sedentary Pleasures:  Although Kayla & Daddy like to read, they find it difficult to stay in one place for long.  Alex and I are just the opposite, and we love nothing better than snuggling in for a long reading session.  Sometimes we share our Book Kids Book Club selection, but we are just as likely to read our own books.  Alex and Daddy also share evening buddy-reading time, and Kayla and I love being a part of a Mother/Daughter Book Club.
• One-on-one Time: Alex and Daddy share daily project time where they conduct scientific experiments; play chess or checkers; watch cartoons; or battle on the Wii.  Alex and I homeschool together, so we have lots of time to learn and explore together.   It’s more difficult to find one-on-one time with our busy, tween daughter.  With her, we look for pockets of opportunity.  Sometimes, it’s just a Daddy/Daughter trip to Target or a Mother/Daughter TV movie time.  It’s challenging, but incredibly worthwhile, to set aside time for these one-on-one activities.

How do you find ways to develop a unique relationship with your child?  Do you have any recommendations for spending one-on-one time with your children?  Please share your suggestions for avoiding sibling rivalry.

Find more ideas for one-on-one time on 10 Ways To Bond With Your Children.

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This month I’m celebrating reaching my forty-third birthday which, despite all the statistical evidence, I consider to be the mid-point in my life.  It’s a time to glance back, while marching forward.

Part of looking back is reflecting on how the women in my family have influenced my identity and decisions.  There are several important women in my village, but I’ll start with the elders.

A love of books and storytelling, inherited from my grandmothers, is the driving force of On Living By Learning.

The Long Journey

I’ve always thought that life is a long journey, with lots of time to accomplish my goals.  When it took me nearly ten years to complete my B.A. at Columbia University, due to financial and other obstacles, I persevered knowing that there would be time to use my education.

Knowing that both my grandmothers are relatively hale and hearty well into their eighties, and that my great-grandmother was as well, I’ve always counted on living at least as long as them.  One is a sedentary chain-smoker, and the other is a borderline diabetic with a sweet tooth.  I figure if they can keep on ticking, my asthmatic and only slightly overweight body should be good for the long haul.

The Book-Driven Life

I don’t know my chain-smoking American grandmother too well.  I’ve only met her once or twice, but I’ve picked up a few of her habits nevertheless.

Many years ago, I discovered that she is an avid reader who is content to stay at home with her books.  At the time, I couldn’t imagine giving up travel and social interaction to be a virtual hermit. 

Now that I’m an over-extended mom, I can appreciate the appeal of hunkering down with a stack of delicious books!

I’m grateful to have picked up the habit of a book-driven life. 

I never tackle a project without a stack of books, and I’m constantly scanning available literature to inform my endeavors.  These days, that means that I’m working my way through books on homeschooling, gifted education, parenting, wired learning, tweens, Caribbean travel, and computer manuals.  That’s in addition to what I read with book clubs or to relax.

Reading is essential to the On Living By Learning lifestyle.

Family Stories - Telenovela Style

My other grandmother, Meme, is the one who practically raised me.  For months at a time, my mother dropped my brother and I with her parents while she pursued her entrepreneurial ventures.

I didn’t mind.  I loved helping Meme with sewing projects as we drank mate and watched the telenovelas.  And when the telenovelas ended, the family stories began.

In true Latina fashion, these stories took on the high drama of the telenovelas.  One often told story is that of the younger brother of an Argentine protester (who escaped to Mexico,) a young man with absolutely no political leanings, who was taken by the police and became one of the ‘disappeared.’  Another relative was a drunkard who drowned in a boating accident.  One great-aunt became a permanent resident of an insane asylum due to complications incurred during her first menstrual cycle.  And then there were the slew of women in our family who died of a broken heart.

It is from this tradition of oral history, that I picked up the desire to understand and document our experiences.

From The Elders To On Living By Learning

For me, blogging On Living By Learning is nothing more than the age-old desire to share what we have learned so that our peers, and our children, can learn from our experiences. 

Living the book-driven life and parenting in the the real world, I’m learning so much that I need to share before I forget.

And, if I can put in a little drama and a few embellishments like in the telenovelas, what’s wrong with a little fun?

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 One of the first exercises in Barbara DeMarco-Barrett’s Pen On Fire: a busy woman’s guide to igniting the writer withing is to search your schedule to find pockets of time for writing.  The idea is to reorganize your other commitments to find time for what is important for you.

Women, in particular, need encouragement to find time for themselves.  Too often we put our children, husband, home, or employer ahead of our dreams.

So, how do we find the time for that which is important to us?

When I gave birth, I lost all control of my life.

Suddenly, these incredibly needy time-suckers took up whatever time was left to me.  Over time they became less dependent, and I was able to reintroduce reading into my life.  Really, I don’t know how I survived those months without reading.  I am addicted to reading and I can’t relax without a daily reading session.  I can’t go through the week without checking the newspapers to find out what is going on in our world.

More recently, I’ve been reintroducing writing into my life but it’s not as easy as finding time for reading.  Perhaps it’s that I have lots of practice reading in every situation.  Since I was a kid, I’ve found time to read late at night, on the toilet, while walking home from school, on any kind of moving vehicle - anywhere and everywhere. 

Finding time to write is much harder because I’m not always as productive as I would like.  If I’m too tired, or stressed, I find it difficult to focus on my writing.  I can ignore everything to read, but it’s much harder to achieve the serenity for writing.  It’s difficult to find productive time for writing, but it’s not impossible. 

First, I have to assert that writing is a priority in my life, and in my family’s life. 

Through constant multitasking, I can find pockets of time for some writing.  However, to find the longer periods of writing and reflection necessary to produce this blog and other works, I have to ask for my family’s support.

Now, many women find it difficult to ask for what they need, but I’ve never been afraid to ask.  And, my family is supportive.  My husband helps with groceries and cooking, and everyone is helping with the daily chores.  Some days, the house is a mess and dinner is a bowl of cereal or a can of spaghettios.  It isn’t always ideal.

Our home life isn’t ideal, but it’s good enough.

Most important, we support each other so that we each have the opportunity to follow our dreams. Isn’t that what family is all about?  We all want the best for those we love.  Helping each other to achieve our dreams is just one aspect of family love.

This and more cartoons can be found at xkcd.com.

DISCLAIMER: I’m just a middle-aged mom reporter.  My kids are the self-proclaimed popularity experts.

Kayla has been giving Alex, her younger brother, advice on how to be popular.  This advice covers two major areas: clothing and music.

Clothing

When the temperatures dropped, I figured it was time for Alex to stop wearing short-sleeved t-shirts and shorts.  So, I took the kids to the mall, and Kayla helped Alex pick out some outfits that she deemed “cool.”  She convinced Alex that the new LL Bean shirts would help him be popular. 

I still don’t know where they think he will be popular since we’re not running any popularity contests at home where Alex is homeschooled.  Also, maybe I’m just not hip enough, but I didn’t see any style difference between the old and new ensembles.  It just looked like jeans and long-sleeved polo shirts to me.

Music

I’m not entirely sure if this is Kayla’s advice, or Alex’s perception, but it seems that learning to play the piano isn’t cool.  Alex is worried that he will jeopardize his popularity if he continues to take piano lessons.  He feels that he should switch to playing the electric guitar. 

Alex has found his musical calling on the Legends of Rock Guitar Hero III.  

Well, who could blame him?  With Guitar Hero, you can clearly imagine that you are playing some rocking songs.  This music is way cooler than the Jingle Bells that he is learning on the piano.  There really is no comparison.

And, he’s a kid.  He doesn’t realize that all those rock legends had to start with simple songs.  Alex wants to play the music that will rock the house now.

The Mom’s Job 

This is where I, the mom, get to step in.  Even though I dislike the idea of promoting the pursuit of popularity, I encouraged the popularity advice when it meant that there was a chance that my son would be inspired to wear weather-appropriate, matching clothes.   However, there is no way that I’m going to allow Alex to quit music lessons because he thinks it’s not cool to play the piano.

So, what are my options? 

I’ve told him that you have to learn to play the piano before you can advance to the electric guitar.  I’ve also told him that true popularity is based in treating people well.  Do you have any other suggestions?  Please post them in the comment box.

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