Clique - An exclusive circle of people with a common purpose.

Exclusive- Admitting only members of a socially restricted or very carefully selected group.

I often hear moms describing their school as “clique-y.” Usually, I hear this from a mom who has limited time to volunteer in her school.

Several experts have written about mommy cliques. Rosalind Wiseman, author of Queen Bees & Wannabes (the inspiration for the movie Mean Girls,) wrote Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads. A Parenting Magazine article, Mom Cliques: Where Do You Fit In?, provides an excerpt from the book that describes the various kinds of clique moms. Similarly, Cynthia Eller, Ph.D. quotes many women who were excluded from mommy cliques in Mommy Cliques: Why new moms can be so catty, and how you can cope.

I’m sure that Ms. Wiseman and others have seen mommy cliques in action, but are they everywhere? Or, are there situations where frequent contact creates the appearance of mommy cliques? If you look closely, would you find that all parents are welcome in the school community?

Many times, the appearance of mommy cliques is influenced by perception.

Until recently, I was a very involved stay-at-home school volunteer. I helped run the Book Fair and the Book Publishing project. I taught Spanish to my son’s class and helped out in the computer lab every week. I was a Girl Scout leader, Cub Scout helper, and helped form an advocacy group for Gifted & Talented students. My daughter was also involved in the local swim team and theatre group, while my son tried various sports. Through these many activities, I became acquainted with many parents in our community.

I was equally grateful for the help of any volunteer, regardless of her time commitment or work status.

Of course, there were some women - and men- that I tended to know better because our children made similar choices about extracurricular activities. There was never any effort to exclude anyone, but there really wasn’t much social contact among the moms beyond sharing volunteer duties or waiting at an extracurricular event. Some moms are more outgoing, others quieter. That was about the only thing separating the conversationalists.

I’ve had conversations with working moms who felt uncomfortable at school functions because they wondered if stay-at-home moms felt that they weren’t doing their share. I told them that any help was appreciated and that there are many ways to be a part of the school community . Most of the moms at our school are working moms, but moms sometimes think that if they see someone volunteering then she must be a stay-at-home mom. These moms are surprised to discover that most of the PTO board, committee chairs, and volunteers, are working moms and dads. They volunteer to do what they can, when they can, because they all share a desire to create a nurturing community environment for the students.

Obviously, the group dynamics will be very different in other schools. In our school, cliques were just in the eyes of the beholders.

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Last weekend my family attended the Parker School Fall Festival. We were warmly greeted by the faculty at the front door and welcomed into a gym that had been transformed into a Fall carnival with bales of hay, carved pumpkins, and whimsical gourd creations. Parker volunteers clearly know that the best school fundraisers are the ones that draw in the community for some unadulterated fun.

Parker Fall Festival

The festival had many of the popular attractions that one would expect at such an event. There was the bouncy bounce, the rock wall, the raffle, and the delicious bake sale. I really enjoyed the curry squash soup with the cupcake chaser. A winning combination! (Please, please, please, post the recipe in the comment section!)

Each class was in charge of a different booth. Our class created a “touchy-feely” booth where participants guessed what was inside the box. I thought the kids would be freaked out by the box with the live hand. I was wrong. Most were disgusted by the box containing mashed potatoes.

Perhaps the most interesting, and somewhat repulsive, booth was the one where you could make a fish t-shirt. I heard (but did not personally witness this) that the artists were ladling paint on a dead fish and using the creation to stamp a blank t-shirt. I can’t verify this, I only saw a wooden fish being used for this project.

My girls (somehow I had three girls that day) looked forward to the cake walk. We all thought (hey, I’ve never seen one before!) that it would involve walking on cakes. Imagine our disappointment when we found out it was a kind of elimination contest where the winner gets a cake.  At least Alex was happy, he won a cake.

Fundraising Ideas

If you are looking for some ideas for community fundraisers, click on the following resources:

1. Step By Step Fundraising has a monthly newsletter that features fundraising success stories and a free, downloadable ebook, titled “The 5 Keys to Successful Fundraising.” This resource targets the needs of any community organization.

2. PTO Today has lots of articles and tools to inspire and advise any school organization. As they say, why recreate the wheel? Use their resources to save time, energy, and ensure success. They also have a message board with over 2,300 fundraising conversations where you can get help solving the challenges facing your organization.

3. Scholastic provides an online toolkit and workshops that simplify running a Book Fair. Some of these resources can be found in the Book Fair Guides sections of the Scholastic Book Fairs website. I was a Book Fair Co-Chair for several years and can highly recommend this volunteer position. The Scholastic consultants supported me all the way as I learned how to run a successful event that engaged the entire community. Students and parents still ask me about the year that we hosted the Scholastic Enter the Kingdom of Reading Book Fair.  I’ll tell you all about it in another post.

My 4 Keys to Successful Fundraising:

• Engage and involve all members of your community.
• Publicize the event as many ways as you can. Some people still won’t get the message.
• Make it fun!
• Thank all the volunteers and the participants.

You might not make a ton of money, but the community spirit is priceless.

For more pictures from the Parker Fall Festival, click on my Picasa Web Album.

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