Risky Business: Parents and Teen Parties

I know I said that I’d tell you the rest of the story about my public school headaches, but I’m sorely tempted to just forget the whole thing.  It’s ugly, and I’m not sure how productive it is to even bring it up for discussion.  Since I brought it up already, I’ll go ahead and finish the story.  Hopefully, you’ll help me make sense of it all.

During the winter break, teenagers hosted a party at a vacant house in my neighborhood.  Alcohol was consumed.  Major damages ($200K) ensued, but the police were not called in until the next day.  It took a month to conduct the investigation before  84 teens were charged and the story broke on local news.

My first reaction when I heard what had happened was to wonder how no one heard all those kids, and all those cars.  I thought it was sad that our neighbors are so distant that no one called it in while it was happening.  However, like myself, many were away during the break week.  My husband was home with our son, but both were sound asleep during the late night party, as was our Labrador.  Even if I’d been home, I don’t know if I would’ve heard anything.  We have a lot of trees in between houses, and they do an excellent job of absorbing sounds.

I wasn’t especially surprised to hear that teens were drinking and partying, that’s nothing new; but I was shocked at the trespassing and damage.  The teens are not being identified due to being minors, but it appears that most were high school seniors attending the district public high school and at least one or more of the organizers lives in the neighborhood.   Some of the partygoers, apparently not all, smashed walls, stair rails, chandeliers, windows, doors.  They also urinated on the carpet.  Other than Animal House type movies, I’ve never seen or heard of  this kind of “partying.”

Maybe I’m reading too much into this, but I have to wonder if this level of destruction is fueled not just by alcohol.  Could this be partly driven by the stress of the recession?  Not that that is any kind of excuse for this behavior.  Teen alcohol abuse is a serious problem.  Lack of respect for property and a sense of entitlement exhibited by many of these kids is out of control.  The real question is what can be done?

On our community blog, I read a lot of responses, some more reasonable than others. Some favor corporal punishment of the teens, and their parents.  Others, mainly teens, seem to think that the kids did nothing wrong, and insurance should cover the damage.  At first, I thought I could help by suggesting that the community take action:

I live in the neighborhood of the party house, and I’m sad and angry for the children, their families, and our community.

There is a problem with teen drug and alcohol use, rising teen pregnancies, and other risky behavior in East Greenbush. But, it’s a problem that is mostly ignored.

The entire community is at fault because we’re not speaking up and acknowledging that there is a problem. Instead of doing something about teen risky behavior, we act as if these it doesn’t happen here. Our silence enables the problem.

Back in early December, at a Columbia HS ‘Keeping Kids Safe’ program, teens spoke up about the drug & alcohol use that they were seeing in their lives. As a result, Columbia HS initiated an East Greenbush Parent/Community Coalition, under the guidance of a Health teacher and Substance Abuse Counselor.

At the first meeting, several parents showed up. At the second, last week, only two parents showed up. Meanwhile, the Columbia HS representatives have been told that their jobs will be cut.

As my daughter prepares to enter Columbia HS next year, I’m confident that she’ll act like one of the many teens who heard about the party, but chose not to be a part of it. Okay, maybe confident is too strong a word. I’m hopeful that she’ll make better choices. And, to help guide her, I’m making sure she knows about the problems and choices.

I hope that the rest of our community will stand with us, making it clear that we don’t condone teen alcohol use. I hope it’s clear to everyone in East Greenbush that providing alcohol to minors is not only stupid, but also ILLEGAL.

A few responders seem to share my sentiment, but most seem more interested in casting judgment and accusations.   It’s just too stressful to read and respond in what has turned out to be a very negative environment, so I’m going to try to stay out of it from now on. 

Instead, I’ll ask you, Dear Readers, for advice on how to help teens avoid risky behavior.  What do you say or do to persuade teens to avoid risky behavior? When do you let teens go to parties on their own?  How do you assure yourself that there is adequate supervision?  Is it really OK to let high school seniors go out to late night parties?  Where do you draw the line between showing trust by granting independence, and imposing safety restrictions?